The Only Exception

I have been there for him. I have listened to his point of view. I have been the person he can talk to and rely on. I have given him advice. I have taken on situations and held conversations that just lay heavy on my heart. I realize his anger was not because of me. I realize it was not because of the few dirty dishes left in the sink. I know the problem is not with me and my siblings. But he went there, he had to get ugly. Embarrassed as I was and as disrespected as I was I just felt sorry for him.

Then she walked in and I knew again somebody is leaving. AGAIN. It hurts me to see them walk out the door and it hurts to see them argue. Breaks my heart to see my brother hurt, he has been through enough. My sister how many more times does she need to see parents give up on eachother or walk out on her. They dont deserve to be going through this. Im tired of watching them cry. Im tired of seeing my dad cry and my mom stand there stiffly as if none of this bothers her.

“Your so cold…” my dad

“Well I guess Im cold then” my mom

Its not fair. I keep thinking what have we as a family done so wrong that we have to go through all the pain?

Im angry, Im tired, and Im hurt. I want to fix everything but I cant. I want to get me, my brother, and sister out of here.

If I cared about everyones feelings…or how much it made others happy…Would I ever find my happiness? Is it wrong to want something for you? If it ment stepping over others to get what you want is that bad?

I want something but I think its wrong to want it. I know it would hurt others…but I know I would be happy. Well its a chance at being happy…So the ultimate question is should I be that Selfish?

Let me start off, by saying THIS IS HER DOING! Ugh, she hates how little support she gets from me. But I can say the same…She is real quick to ask me for what she needs though. She hates when I say I have other things to do. ”DOnt worry about it THEN! I got IT!” Sometimes I try to text but she never texts back and I know there is nothing wrong with her stupid phone because my brother is getting her texts. I realize I know more than he does (my brother) and I get invloved more then he does, but its so hard not to she is changing my world, and its not for the better. She is breaking My family! My home and My heart!

She is angry with my dad because “I know” and she says he is the one who told me. Truth is I knew before he did. Nobody told me. He found out his way I found out mine. Im 20 years old Im not a little girl and Im not stupid. I do watch my family, and been through this situation before. The little things mentioned, the absents, the unknown reasons to why she does things…ha Call ME DETECTIVE! I havent mentioned I know because that isnt something you brinng up randomly in a conversation. So I wait, She now knows that I know her big secret but has yet to talk to me about it. Coward! If you dont want anyone to have known what you done, then you should have never of done it!!

My biggest dreams and wishes in life are to have a good husband not perfect but good…Kids and a home. My mother has all that so why she chooses to change that and break our home I dont understand. I guess thats what hurts and bothers me most.

She is not happy I hope she changes though. Hopefully her leaving and her struggles make her appreciate what she has here at home….

Almost five years… Started July 31 (my birthday) of 2007. We met in High School through My best friend I must add she was with him first, he is her ex. LOL! That part is a little awkward but like I said almost five years ago. We are always on and off reasons being we both have our issues,and trust me when I say so much has happened in between these last years. But we always end up back with eachother.

My boyfriend is far from perfect. But who is perfect? Im not! Im not always nice, I dont always want to be happy, loving or affectionate. I can be mean and hurtfull. Some of my Family Members dont really care for him. Just like some of his I know dont care for me. But thats ok… as long as me and him are together, I feel as if I dont need others acceptance or approvals.

 He listens when I need to vent and is there when I need to cry.

His name is Chris and I love Him.